Crappy Map Contest Results!

RUNNERS-UP

“Oops, I Did It Again” by DarckRedd

Ace:

The revelation that through listening to a MIDI rendition of the masterpiece by one Britney Spears herself I find that I somehow manage to know more than a handful of the lyrics to the song is in fact one of the least aggravating aspects of this entry. In fact, had it been a wee bit more evil than it was, I would not have been able to myself decide whether I preferred Darkwave’s entry or this–it’s just that close. Initially, it presents itself as an almost innocuous contender; however, as the map and the mind-numbing reiterations of “I played with your heart, got lost in the game” drag on, the map gets progressively worse, and is nearly as impossible to figure out as our winning contender.

It’s ugly, it’s difficult, and it gave me an aneurysm (whatever that is). A submission more than worthy of runner-up status.

RUSTY:

This one doesn’t quite approach the absurdities of Dark17, but the effort devoted to causing frustration and existential angst is remarkable. The MIDI music is just icing on the cake. It will make every newbie’s first map of the future a thousandfold better by comparison, rather than merely rivaling them in “quality”. It’s confusing, it’s aggravating, it’s long. In this case, it’s not that the most original elements of awwfulness are present; they are, however, present in harmony and in great quantity, making this entry a very worthy runner-up.

“AASHITTY: The Unnecessarily Long Subtitle (Not Its Actual Subtitle)” by Wills

Rusty:

AASHITTY required a couple playthroughs to really grasp the strangeness and terror present. It seems so much an eight-year-old’s tribute to thrash metal, but reveals itself to be a sinister facsimile, confusing, ugly, and difficult. The author took a slightly different approach in that not everything is constructed with pretended mapping incompetence, but is instead all done in a mostly-competent (1995-ish) but very displeasing manner. Play it–it’s an experience to cherish.

Ace:

Picture yourself. You’ve loaded up a random WAD, wondering what it has in store, and the first image you see is a gargantuan texture of Metallica plastered across the screen, accompanied by a MIDI rendition of the worldwide #1 hit pop single, “Master of Sock Puppets.” But behind the facade of what appears to be a fairly harmless and mildly amusing joke wad lies a force to be reckoned with. Switches hidden halfway across the map, endless hallways, and impossible arena combat that would make even the mightiest Lombax cringe in whiny, sniveling cowardice all lie within, with a couple nasty death traps peppered in for good measure.

Don’t let the friendly appearance of the Hammy the Bacon (if that IS his real name) posters strewn across the corridors fool you; this map is another kind of master. A Master of Torture.